John HyslopSports

Shave Your Head Old Man

Shave Your Head Old Man

Shave Your Head Old Man

It’s time we had a talk. When I was 25 years old, I went back to my hometown to see and old friend and when he answered the door, his first words were “Gooooooood Damnnnnnn”. It was in reference to my hair or lack of. No lie, the top of my head was so thin you could see my scalp and I had not even reached my prime yet. Action needed to be taken and swiftly or else I was going to be forced to call it a career and just get married. I stepped up and I did it that night.

I could have got Rogain or Hair Club For Men but I didn’t want a PED to help me stay in the game. (That’s a banned substance in my book. 100% natural over here.) So I did the smartest and bravest thing any man can do when his hair is falling out or going gray, I got a Mach 3 and I shaved it. Bald as a baby’s you know what. Take that Father Time!

What I didn’t realize in the moment was that not only did I go from a 3 to a solid 4.5, I also took about five years off of my appearance. I was getting carded at the liquor store again and my confidence was at an all time high. I was able to put off marriage for 5-6 more years and ended up getting the most out of the remaining years of my prime. Never once was I called the “old man in the club” even as I reached my 30’s. All because of a Mach 3 and the balls of a champion. That’s a winning combination.

The reason most guys are afraid to shave their heads is because they really haven’t thought through the alternatives:

  1. Rogain or hair transplant – you end up looking like a Chia Pet in most cases. Not cool. Plus, you either have to tell people right away or live a lie. Too stressful. Plus the PED thing.
  2. Combover – This is not a solution. Everybody notices and talks about it when you are not around. I will never understand what goes through a guy’s mind when he is actually trying to pull it off. Is he really thinking “nobody is going to notice this gigantic bald spot on the top of my head if I just comb these last 10 remaining hairs over it?” That’s dumb and it doesn’t work.
  3. Hair Dye – If you are going gray, this may seem like a good idea until you actually do it. You can hype yourself up by saying “no play for Mr. Grey” as you walk into the drug store to buy it but the false bravado usually stops there. You look great for the first few days but you end up going from a young looking guy to someone’s grandfather in less than 3 weeks unless you constantly color your hair which nobody really has time for. Plus it makes you look like you care what you look like which can be emasculating. Your testosterone levels are already dropping, you don’t need help with that.

So if you are going gray or bald at a younger age than you expected, I am here to tell you from the other side, shave your head old man. The sooner the better too. People will respect your decision and you don’t have to ever think about what you look like because you always look the same. You’re welcome.

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